Tiny FeetI’ve been struggling to get something posted here.  It’s such a full time for me and our family.  I have many thoughts and many photos but only little bits of time to work on a post.  Life with a four week is unpredictable.  My solution for this problem with household jobs is just to do a little at a time.  A few shirts and socks folded and put away.  I don’t think I’ll get the whole basket done and put away at once.  I’ll see if that works here.  Just a picture and a few quick thoughts.

Off We Go

Last summer, many trees with oak wilt were removed in the park that we visit.  In the area where the trees were cut down, there are now two large puddles.  We heard that these puddles were brimming with polliwogs.  We have been staying close to home with our tiny baby recently.  Seeing this for ourselves was just the reason we needed get out of the house together.

Indeed, I have never seen so many little tadpoles in one place.  The gathering began.  

Last summer we gathered monarch caterpillars and watched them change.  I loved watching metamorphosis when I was young but I didn’t have many larva reach adulthood in my care.   Now when I can offer it to my children, I feel like the mother I imagined myself being.  

My mother reads to children.  She wasn’t allowed to just sit and read as a child.  She needed to be doing something.  My sister in law does crafts with my kids and they love it.  I like to collect little creatures from the world and watch them.  

Maybe we’ll be seeing one of these someday soon.

Last year I was committed to capturing one image a day to share on Flickr – my 365 Project.  Doing the project changed my photography in many ways.  One important thing that changed was my willingness to carry my camera daily without knowing what I might photograph.  On the day we went to the polliwog puddles, I almost left my camera at home.  It was one of my first walks out with all four kids.  Did I really want to carry a tiny baby and a camera too?  When we got to the puddle and I saw the kids’ reflections in the puddles, I was glad I did.  I also was happy to have it later that day when the kids found a toad in the grass.  I was happy that my macro lens was on the camera so I could get that close to the little fellow.

She’s HereOur dear daughter was born more than two weeks ago.  The time after a baby arrives is such a full time. I love to look at her tiny fingernails, listen to her small sighs and smell her new baby breath.  It would be easy to spend the day simply enjoying her presence.  I’ve been fortunate to have had lots of time to gaze at her and nap with her these past two weeks. Reluctantly, we are emerging from our little cocoon into daily life.

AdorationThey love their new little sister.  They argue about who gets to hold her next and for how long.  And, most days there are more tears than usual.  Not being able to find comfortable pants is devastating and the unkind comment of a friend is hard to recover from.  

We’ve expanded our family four times and I know that the days with a new baby are a roller coaster.  There is a big difference between anticipating the ride and actually speeding along with butterflies in our tummies.  It’s hard to understand how our quiet, adored little one can put everyone off balance.   I was expecting it this time and I know it is not my fault.  When our second girl was born, I thought there was some way I could do it right that would spare us all the big emotions about small things.  But, the emotions are big when making space in our hearts and lives for a new person. 

Our New Girl

Here she is.  I’ve been taking many photos and haven’t spent much time editing them yet. There’s no time to waste with a newborn. I can go back and edit photos but she’s only this tiny and new for a few moments.  I’m enjoying the moments and recording some too.  I will share more photos in the coming days.

Someone said to me about the photo of our new baby above, “That picture you sent of her was nice. Was it a lucky shot?”

At first, I was speechless.  Then I mumbled something like, “No, not really. I took a lot of pictures that day.”

I’m glad that the effort it takes to get some of my photos isn’t obvious.  And, I always feel fortunate when a photo works.  Even when something is set up, there is not guarantee that it will turn out.  But, it’s not just luck.  In the photo above, I undressed my two day old and put her on pillows and black velvet in our brightest room.  I tried to get her face well lit without the light overwhelming her new little eyes.  Then I took about a hundred photos.  One of those shots was this lucky one.

I was upstairs putting my little boy down for his nap and hoping to get a nap after he went to sleep. The girls know how important it is to be quiet during this delicate time and the side of their mother they’ll see if they’re noisy.  On this day, I noticed it was remarkably quiet. It was the kind of quiet that gets me worried.  Once, I was getting ready for house guests and feeling happy that they were being quiet and occupied.  I went outside to find them in the backyard painting the sidewalk, the trees and themselves with Tempura paint.  Today they were also painting themselves, but with face paints, carefully, quietly, beautifully.  I delayed my nap to get some photos of their work.

We washed off the paint at bedtime but saw little bits of white and yellow for days afterward.  

When I got my new macro lens, these were the kinds of photos I was hoping to take. I love the texture of their skin and the detail of their lashes.  I’m very nearsighted and wear glasses all the time.  When they ask me to get in bed with them, I take off my glasses and see this kind of detail in their faces as they talk to me and go to sleep.

 Taking the Stage

We started down this path without knowing where it would lead us.  One year we were at the St. Patrick’s Day parade with our three year old girl who was completely taken by the Irish dancers. The Irish dancing schools didn’t start lessons until children were five. She was still interested when she turned five and she started taking classes.  That first year, we went to watch our first Irish dance competition after learning that Irish dance was competitive. (Who knew?)  We walked into a world we didn’t know existed.  We are now part of that world. 

The St. Patrick’s Day parade is no longer something we watch but something we do. 

And here is our girl, competitor #831, dancing the treble jig last weekend at a local Irish dance competition. 

   Treble Jig

I asked her this morning what she liked about dancing. She said, “The steps, my friends, the competitions… everything.”

Wigs

Maybe not everything.  She’s not a fan of wearing a big curly wig.  It has to be pinned on tight.  It’s part of the costume and she puts up with it until the first possible moment she can take it off.  

I still don’t know where this path is going. It’s been a surprising one so far, and not one I would have imagined myself on a few years ago.  But, she loves it.  (Her grandparents do too and fund the project.  There are shirts sold at competitions that say, “I don’t dance – I finance.”)  So, we’re following her and enjoying what love looks like.

I find dance a visually compelling and challenging subject. It’s hard to capture the motion of the dancing, the lighting conditions are usually difficult and often using a flash isn’t possible. But, I keep trying. For stage photos, I use manual exposure since the dark stage invariable fools the meter that everything is dark and the main subject is overexposed. And, many of the photos are destined for deletion. But, again, the beauty of digital is that there is no harm in trying and trying and trying.

We went on a walk to see some spring flowers but I was more taken by these little blossoms.

A Little Spring

Spin Spin Spin

It Was Time

I’m getting ready for our new baby.  I made appointments to go the dentist and got everyone’s hair cut.  These are small matters that will become herculean tasks with a newborn on the scene.

I don’t cut my own kids’ hair.  I’ve tried to from time to time but I don’t get very far before realizing that I’m in over my head and take them to someone else.  I know it’s something that I could learn to do.  It would make life a little easier.  I wouldn’t have to take them anywhere or pay anyone.  I wouldn’t wait so long between cuts and if I was good at it I wouldn’t walk away from the cut thinking, “Well, that’s not what I had in mind.”

But, I don’t learn.  Why?  Mistakes.  I’m not willing to make enough mistakes to get good at it.  I’d rather not hear, “I can see you gave your kids haircuts.” My mom used to cut our hair.  The evidence is in the family photo albums.  I have crooked bangs in my class pictures.

I take my kids to someone who has made mistakes so I don’t have to make my own.

I love taking photos.  I don’t mind making mistakes.  I feel like there’s nothing to lose but disk space.  I realize that not everyone wants to come home with a hundred photos from their day and only two that they like.  I encourage friends to turn off their pop up flash and try some of the manual settings.  But, after a few blurred pictures they turn it back to the auto settings.  Who wants to miss their kid blowing out the candles on their birthday or the first time they ride a bike?  The kids would be saying, “The pictures of me at my birthdays were all blurry because my mom was fooling with her camera.”

Simple Technical Information: If you are willing to make some mistakes, turn off the pop up flash.  No one looks natural with a flash directly on their face.  It flattens features and creates unnatural shadows.  The haircut photo was taken with a flash mounted on the camera and bouncing on the wall over my left shoulder.  When I use flash, this is what I usually do.  I fool around with the direction of the flash until it looks right. When there’s not enough light or the lighting is poor, (this room had only overhead fluorescent lights) a flash can make things work. 

Full Hands

I was leaving the library, carrying books and keeping three little ones from walking into a busy street.  My middle girl was standing directly behind me, out of view.  I was turning from side to side looking for her.  The man who held the door for us said, “Looks like you’ve got your hands full.”  I do.  It’s easy to see when I’m out in the world.  I often feel like a mother duck clucking to my ducklings as we cross streets and navigate stores together. 

What is easy for a stranger on the street to see is sometimes hard for me to remember.  I wonder why I don’t get more done.  Why is there a pile clothes in sizes no one can currently wear in the corner of my bedroom?  Why do phone calls and emails go unanswered and birthday cards go unsent?  Why is it so hard to get the pictures I take of friends’ kids back to them?  Why am I not doing more with my photography?

That last question is the one that is most on my mind recently.  Positive comments about my photos often end with suggestions about what I could do with my work – start a business, put together a book… I always appreciate the comments and suggestions.  I think about the same things myself.  Who doesn’t want to be recognized and paid for what they do well and enjoy doing?  I look around me.  There are plenty of examples of mothers who accomplish all sorts of things while at the same time raising their children.  At the same time, I’ve made choices.  We’re going on four kids.  I homeschool them.  I look at them and love what is filling my days.  I also am aware that they will not always be who they are today and will need much less from me as they grow.  When that happens, will I find that the ship has sailed without me?  Or will I be glad that I was with them when they were small?

I give an answer about what I do or don’t do with my photography that sometimes sounds hollow and other times rings true.  I say, “Right now, I’ve got my hands full.”

Simple Technical Information: When I first got my digital camera, I was happy with my photos “straight out of the camera” or unedited. (If you see someone refer to their photo as “SOOC” this is what they are talking about.)  I would upload the photos from my card into iphoto and admire them as they were.  Soon I started using the editing in iphoto.  I’d add some blacks, adjust the white balance, or convert an image to black and white. 

Then I started poking around in Lightroom.  There was so much there to work with that I was overwhelmed.  I didn’t know what half of the adjustments were.  I really started to enjoy editing when I was doing a photo a day for my 365 Project.  I could learn about the adjustments a little at a time.

Now, I don’t feel like a photo is presentable without some amount of editing.  Here is what this photo looked like straight out of the camera.

 Converting it to black and white was an easy choice.  The colors didn’t add anything to the image (even though I do like the green hair elastic).  I cropped it.  Cropping is a very subjective process.  I go back and forth with the cropping while doing other editing.  I try to get rid of distracting elements and balance the picture.  In this one, I liked the part of my daughter’s face that was in the frame, but it drew my eyes to her face instead of keeping the focus on the hands.

I think of my original photo like a first draft.  Sometimes more rewriting needs to be done.  Sometimes very little. 

Benches: Late Winter

I was enjoying the idea of packing up the snowsuits and boots that litter the entrance to our house. But, I’d rather leave them out a little too long than to have to go back to the basement for them. I have learned that winter doesn’t give up so easily and that the march toward spring is not without twists and turns.

It would be easier if things moved in a straight line.

My baby sleeps all night for a week and not again for months. She doesn’t need a diaper for weeks and then, “Honey? Are you peeing on the floor?!?” She loves broccoli and then complains when it appears on her plate. What is wrong with her?

All week the kids enjoy each other’s company, the laundry is clean, we laugh easily and their schoolwork is done with enthusiasm. We’ve figured it out. Then, cold air blows in from the north and nothing is quite right. Fights break out, the laundry piles grow and I look at the clock thinking, “Is it too early to put them to bed?” What am I doing wrong?

While working on my 365 Project last year, I would enjoy some days of success. I was excited to carry my camera, I had more ideas than I knew what to do with and I watched encouraging comments on my Flickr page flow in. I loved the project. I was on a roll. Until I wasn’t. I would look a the photos from the day and think, “Really? This is the best I could do today? I have to post one of these?” No one had anything to say about my work, and who could blame them? I wanted to throw in the towel. Why did I say I would do this? 

I trust the progress of the seasons regardless of the 180 degree turns. And now on to trusting my own progress and the paths my children take as they grow.

This snowdrop did not shrivel when the snow came back. Tomorrow it may see some sunshine.

Snowdrops

Simple Technical Information: Both of these photos were taken with my new 100mm macro lens. For the first photo I wasn’t using its macro capabilities, and in the second I was. My interest in macro (close up) photography is new to me. Before last year, my photos were focused on people. But, committing to produce a photo every day pushed me to look for other subjects. In the past, I have used my 50mm lens for close ups because it was the better of the two lenses I owned. A non-macro 50mm lens requires eighteen inches between the lens and the subject so I would crop the photo for a close up look. That was working to an extent but I’m glad I have this new lens to work with. 

There are small mounds of dirty snow where it was piled during our last snowfall. The trees are bare. Numerous puddles dot the path. Coats are on and gloves are on standby in everyone’s pockets. By the standards of early March, it’s a beautiful day. 

We are ready for a bike ride. It’s been months since the helmets have been on and the bikes have been rolling. 

 Cheeks are rosy. Hands are cold. Noses are runny. 

After a winter of days spent mostly indoors, this is freedom.

The eager days of late winter will pass and soon a day like this will be reason to stay inside or at the very least, complain. Until then, we’re looking for snowdrops, steering around puddles and merrily rolling towards spring.

 Simple Technical Information: This last photo is an example of a technique known as panning. I discovered it last spring when then kids got their bikes out. I had seen it used before but mostly for car and bike racing. During sledding season last year, I tried to capture the excitement of a sled ride. My photos ended up looking like a kid sitting still in the snow. One day on Flickr, I saw a panning shot of sledding. YES! The sleds were packed away, but the kids were still moving. I started to practice panning. 

Panning captures motion by slowing the shutter to blur the background while following the subject’s motion with the camera to keep it in focus. It takes practice and a high tolerance for completely blurred shots. But with digital photography, mistakes are free. 

I used shutter priority (Tv) and set the shutter to 1/40 for this shot. The aperture was 8.0. I waited for him to ride past, focused and moved the camera as he was passing to get the shot. It was the only pan from the afternoon that worked.